philosophy, life
I know that I lack friendship and I’ve been making peace with it, as I’ve written about. But then I visited some friends out of town and we all went out for dinner and the conversation (!!!!) that we had! Conversations, I should say. There were eight people. I sat somewhere in the middle of the table, sometimes joining one side of the table in conversation, sometimes the other (another interesting thing to think about, the roving borders of dinner talk) but we chatted about American idealism and politics, books, identity, and immigration stories. I had just met most of these people and they were all interesting and attentive conversationalists.
Maybe I just need to meet new people more often. I don’t know. But I so rarely feel like my conversations with others I interact with (coworkers, acquaintances, parents of kids I know) range into subjects that I find interesting. Or even range into subjects that anyone would find interesting. I don’t even have to know anything about this at all! I want you to tell me about the jazz scene in New York. I want to talk about wealth disparity in the Dominican Republic. I want to talk about immigrant populations in Philedephia and how Dostoyevsky wrote something that resonated with you. I want to be challenged. I want to learn something new. I want you to call me out on my spicy takes and make me think.
I don’t know how to bridge the gap between small talk and good talk with the average person. And I feel like if I could, I would want to be everyone’s friend. But this just doesn’t happen in most life situations, and I’m not sure why. Or maybe there are as many reasons why as there are people, and everyone’s reason is different.
I can’t get into a deep conversation with a mom because we both have half our brains on the kids. I can’t get in deep conversation with a coworker maybe because I’m asking the wrong questions, or they don’t want to open up, or they find me weird or intimidating because I’m so beautiful and smart and incredible and are trying to keep the conversation short. Maybe people don’t find those kinds of conversations as riveting as I do, or they find debate and discussion unpleasant activities—feel like they’re being criticized when an opposite opinion is shared.
Perhaps the question I should ask: should I keep pushing for deeper conversations with my acquaintances, or do I just keep looking for people with whom interesting conversation comes easily and naturally?